So the year is almost over, this year has been a busy one for me. In this post I will explain the reason for my break.

In August 2019 I had an ectopic pregnancy, I didn’t even know such a thing existed, it ended with surgery and 3 days hospital stay. After that I needed almost a year to be able to deal with this topic “child” again because I was just afraid that it could end up like this again.

In the middle of September 21, I found out that I was pregnant again. I could not be happy because I was afraid that it ends like the last time, but at the first examination it was said that everything was fine, I got a second opinion, where it was confirmed to me again. 

Then on 5.11.21 at the 2nd examination (in the 11th week) they told me the bad news that  the heart is no longer beating…I can’t even put the moment into words. Had 3 options, tablets with which it should come off in 2 to 3 days by itself, wait or a scraping. Since it was my little one’s birthday on Monday, I decided to have the curettage (outpatient procedure) which was then scheduled for Thursday. The curettage ended with a night in the hospital because of a blood infection.

Although I knew that anything can happen in the first 3 months (12 weeks), I just didn’t want to believe it, everything was always fine, the heart was beating, it grew well, I took rest for several weeks, you start to reproach yourself, I took on too much, I should have taken it easy even more…..

Since then I have been hearing more and more from friends that this has happened to many people.

After what happened and as I am starting a further education, I have decided to take a break with the events and the sessions, want to use the time for myself.

It was/is the most difficult time for me and I am grateful for my husband who was on my side the whole time, my sisters, my friends. In such moments you see who are the true people in life.

with Love Sinthuya