Every time I intend to write I always find an excuse (laziness) not to do so. After almost 7 months of maternity leave, I’ve been back at work since October.

In this blog I would like to write about the baby blues, as I mentioned in the last blog I had a lot of trouble this time. My feeling said that this time it wouldn’t be as easy as the first child. She was a cry baby for the first few months and clingy on me, which meant she didn’t go to anyone, not even my husband, although he was happy to help. After she was about 5.5 months old she improved a lot, she is still fixated on me but also goes to the others and as long as there are children around she is happy.

Towards the end of the summer vacation it started with hair loss where I had partially bald patches, I couldn’t make it to the gym either and I was automatically dissatisfied with my body. As soon as school started, I (felt)  I had other problems and worries (even there weren’t any). I was stressing myself out, I didn’t want to neglect with my son I wanted to study and spend time with him, it worked well for maybe 2 days and then something was different and I was stressed, annoyed and down. 

In September (one month before starting work) we started with the daycare introduction, so with enough time, the first week I was always there, the second week she was partly alone which went well, in the third week she refused to take the babybottles, in the first weeks it went well, but suddenly she didn’t want to take it anymore. They always called me at lunchtime to tell me she hadn’t had a milk yet, but as soon as I gave it to her she was fine. She also drank well at home with my husband, so I tested it at my sister-in-law’s where she had never drunk before, but the babybottles is pink and the one at the nursery was blue. So I changed the babybottles in the nursery to pink and you know what, it worked without any thoughts. Because of that I started to stress myself out again, which I took out on my husband at home, although I should have just taken it easier. Since I started working again I feel different, in the beginning I was stressed because everything had to be perfect, we had something going on every weekend since the first weekend of October until today, that meant for me getting clothes ready for both children (with a change of clothes, accessories, piji etc.) and repacking and unpacking every time.

It is a different to have one child or 2 children with such an age gap, I can’t be a daughter, wife and mother like before, with one child I could handle it easier, now I have to organize exactly how, when and where, and I have to learn to say no sometimes. Last week I got to a point where I thought I can’t go on like this, I’m beating myself up and my bad mood is then taken out on my husband.

Instead of watching series, I started listening to Jay Shetty’s podcast and reading again. I know it will be a long road to feeling “normal” again so for that I need to focus on my mental health and should be ready for self healing.

“Be kind to YOURSELF by putting YOURSELF first”

with Love, Sinthuya